Tuesday, July 20, 2010

what's doin'

It's hard to believe it, but I've been away from work for one week, effective tomorrow am. Last time I checked in, we were in VA somewhere's, heading southwest. 12 easy, very beautiful hours later, and we were in Memphis TN.
So, fast forward. We did 2 days of Elvis-related stuff, and Inappropriately Hot Foreign Wife has been on cloud 9. As a raging fan of the King, she's been in heaven for 48 hours.
One thing I've got to say, the anachronisms that occur across cultures don't quite explain this. While I laugh, heavily and secretly, at my teenage South American nephews and their enjoyment of the works of Michael Jackson, for example, even my mother-in-law can't explain Inappropriately Hot Foreign Wife's love for The King. I guess she was hanging out with parents and relatives, and their enjoyment of Elvis was contagious. Whatever, she's so happy that it's really made me happy, just watching her.
In reality, Graceland is pretty neat. Elvis had an understated lifestyle, and the tours are quite short, but interesting, for all that. Absolutely, 100% worth the 1,300 miles.
Oh, BTB, Inappropriately Hot Foreign Wife also fell in love with the mountain country of Virginia. It's really, really beautiful out there, especially north of the Blue Ridge mountains. She received her first speeding ticket in 10 years of driving here in the US, too, and even then, she was both shocked that her appearance didn't lead to a mere warning (making me wonder how many times she's gotten away with speeding based on her looks), but also enchanted with the VA statie who ganked her. She's got a thing for blond hair and blue eyes (like her husband, for example). The guy laughed out loud and was very friendly when he learned that he was giving my wife her first ticket ever, but then my wife bursts out with "Choo are so pretty, chust like a beautiful girl with chort hair, but choo ooniformmm is wery masculina, like-a da toy solja." The guy was obviously ambivalent about hearing such a thing, but he was polite and smiling the whole while.
And I've got to say here that my wife's feminine charms have been a real mixed blessing thus far. Entertainment-wise, it's been fun. At Sun Studios, where Elvis got his start, for, example, some midwest 20-something couple was across the crowd from us, and the guy is eyeballing my wife heavily (I didn't notice, which was strange, for me, as I get jealous). The first I know about it, the woman slaps the guy's neck, HARD, with the sound of a mouse trap snapping shut, and she says in a horrible stage whisper (which everyone heard) "Enough! She's with her husband and their kids!" Everyone cracks up, my wife starts giggling, my kid and my nephew (whom we took for the trip) are laughing out loud... and the guy is duly mortified.
BUT, as I said, it's a double-edged sword. We were also coming out of a McDonalds (the kids harangued me into going. I won't actually eat there), and these three 40- to -50ish black guys, on bicycles, no less, start eye-banging her. I get furious, but with two kids with me, I'm trying to keep my cool. One of the idiots has to open his ignorant mouth, however, and says "Sexy Woman," pretty damn loud. In front of kids, for God's sake.
I get jealous, I'll admit, but I also get very protective. I'm furious, however, and can't ignore this affront, but I've got kids with me, one of 'em my own. I'm not going to be an ass, but I can't keep my fool mouth shut. I compromise: I hit the button on my keychain, bleeping the alarm off on my wife's shiny new bright red SUV, and turn around, smiling. "Yes, she is. You should try getting a F*&king job so you're not sitting in a McDonald's parking lot on a kid's bicycle at 2 in the afternoon on a weekday, and maybe you won't get laughed at by women like my wife."
The guys say nothing, and, as if on cue, my wife AND both the kids start laughing at what I said. I'm laughing, too, 'cus, other than the F-Bomb, I did well, and had no idea what was going to come out of my mouth.
Anyhow, it's been good, but tomorrow sees us heading back on the road for our next stop, NY city.


Anonymous said...

very funny.

You should have just dragged the kids in for some bbq. That should shut them up about micky d's.

Enjoy the rest of your travels. Can't wait for your next story.

Bill Elms said...

OHSH!!! Fish drops the HAMMER!! Nice one bro!

VMan said...

Yeah, I was pretty surprised by how gaudy and weird Graceland was not. I've seen much more ostentatious places on Cribs.

Sun Records was pretty awesome, too, huh? That place is tiny.

Paul, Dammit! said...

V, my wife ended up in the spot where Elvis was standing in the pics. She did a little dance when she found out, which is how I think the guy got busted by his wife.

bigsoxfan said...

I'm sorta hoping the graceland isn't on the missus' bucket list, but if it is, I hope I handle the experience with your grace. Plus, I'm definetely packing at McD's in the south.

Paul, Dammit! said...

Graceland was mostly excellent. The little displays at the visitor center were the only schlocky part- it was mostly filler, and you had to exit through a gift shop each time.
And I felt OK without a sidearm in Memphis, for the most part. I wish I had one in NY, but having the ability to go armed in NYC is less likely than having access to the launch codes for our ICBM's.