Saturday, December 7, 2013

So, I noticed no ring on that swollen, liver-spotted finger...

Since I drove down to Philly the other night to pick up this job, I have my wheels in a place where a lot of guys fly in. Last night a shipmate noted that he had forgotten to pack enough socks... so we went out to a store.

  Well, my new friend has good eyes, and spotted some Christmas-themed lingerie not too far from the socks-and-underwear aisle... so we wandered over, and the price was right, and lo and behold I found something that Inappropriately Hot Foreign Wife might wear, if I'm an extra special good boy for Christmas.

Wonderful thing about buying lingerie for your wife- you're buying it for her... and for you. Obviously, having been away for over a month, the two of us bought an outfit for our respective wives.

   Now, I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure that Brazilian women don't, for the most part, know that you can get granny-panty underwear like American women prefer. In their natural state, Brazilian women seem to prefer thong underwear, the fio dental (dental floss) of fame. Unfortunately, after they're here a certain number of years, they figure it out, and then I have to throw away a whole bunch of them every time I come home you have to deal with it. Buying an outfit with a thong might be the way to go, but it's dreadful embarrassing for yours truly.

   I, and many men, too, apparently, still get embarrassed at buying lingerie for our wives. For that reason, I think retailers often put an attractive and helpful female clerk at the counter to help us get through selecting and purchasing without running out red-faced. Often. Not always.
 Anyhow, the two of us politely and pleasantly line up at the unmentionables counter, and the surly, massive clerk orbits her way over after a few minutes, rolling her eyes and whispering to her helper, who is stage-whispering "just be quiet. You hush up now," and the like to the scowling leviathan who we probably interrupted at doing something much more important than the fucking job she is being paid to do.

 Well, after we paid and left, my shipmate, a man I don't know too well, generously didn't call her too harshly on her behavior. "Wow, what a bitch!" he said, at a decent volume just after we turned our backs... like I said, he was fair and generous in his criticism.


Anonymous said...

Nothing to do with lingerie, but seeing as you're in the trade and all - have you seen this? . Looks like it's bound for here. One big girl!
Chris, Sydney, Australia

Paul, Dammit! said...

It's the world's largest barge!