So I got invited to be the speaker at the annual meeting of the local yacht club back in my old hometown. I've been asked to take an hour and talk about my time on the water, both as a townie, from my lobstering days, and as a merchant mariner.
At first blush, this sounds like fun. Open bar+walking distance to my parents' house= a nice way to exercise my liver. Plus, I do like to flap my gums of an evening... I spend 8 months a year not drinking; I'm a true 3-beer queer now when I'm home and can actually free up enough time to have a pint, but still, on principle, I'm going to have to demand top shelf booze.
How to fill an hour, though? Sea stories, a pitch for job opportunities for a bunch of WASP problem kids? I dunno. In the old days, I had an agenda. I'd talk like lightning and blur through 30 powerpoint slides in 12 minutes to educate the masses (of fellow science geeks) on sea urchin fertility predictions or lobster learning and memory. This is different. No agenda, really.
So what can I talk about for an hour? Any suggestions would be appreciated. Here's my agenda so far.
1). How to eat soup in 20-foot seas
2). How me and the Notorious B.O.B. used to wake all of your boats at like 6 in the morning.
3). Keeping the peace despite sticking 23 men in a little steel box.
4). Quit stealing our fucking lobster pot buoys.
5). The pleasures of sailing with professionals.
6). The difference between a weekend on your Hatteras and 4 months of standing watches.
7). 4 months without women: Life on a floating hot dog cart.
Just 'cus my employers are probably reading this, I'm not going to include my gag #8, which is the most tasteless thing I've thought up in a while: shoot me an email if you want to know.
Yet if I abuse a corpse...
6 minutes ago
I never waked anyone before 7!
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