Monday, October 17, 2011

Mystery solved. Where is the press now?

OK, grab you a soda, pint of lager, shot of whisky, twist of chew or an 8-ball, because I'm about to sex you up with SCIENCE! and I want you to remember to be enthusiastic and to call me 'daddy' during. Not after.

Do you remember last month, when the press halted the 24-hr a day Lady Gaga news vigil to report about the exciting news of things travelling faster than light? The press was churning out 'Einstein was Wrong' articles at a remarkable clip. For a day or so there, Buck Rogers was all in our grasp.

We have seen the future, and it is good

I wrote here that it doesn't do to try to get all up in Einstein's bidness, because Einstein was the scientific equivalent of Shaft, Chuck Norris and the Honey Badger all in one.

At any rate, the press was very quick to discount the last 1,000 years or so of scientific thinking, and pretty much was on board with giving up on Physics research in favor of Making Shit Up.

What happened was this: Experiments found that subatomic particles seemed to be moving from one place to another faster than is theoretically possible. The time differential between the starting point of these particles, and the ending point indicated that either the particles were moving faster than the speed of light OR that the experiment was flawed in some way.

Well, shit, the press forgot about everything after the 'or' in that last sentence.

The authors, being unable to find any flaw in the experiment, published it in the hope that someone else could help them. Again proving that to be in the press, one doesn't have to be able to count to 21 without unzipping their fly, the press took that published paper, and believed that they found 'proof' of something.
Devil's in the details. The flaw was found, and yet FUCKING NO ONE is reporting on this.

Turns out that the distance between the source and the sensor in the atomic collider was measured by GPS coordinates. Yes, those satellites in the sky, up in space.

Fuck me, how did we miss that? The distance between the satellites and the receiver is largish, and the satellites are moving through the universe in a different place than we are. In other words, there is a relativistic difference in their velocity compared to ours. Since time is experienced more slowly as velocity is increased, the satellites' time signals are slightly different than ours, and the authors of the study forgot to apply a relativistic correction to the GPS data.

Honest mistake, and the system worked as it was supposed to. Now some new and exciting and actually USEFUL data can be looked at. But where's the press? Wher's Wilma Whatsername in spandex? Dr. Theopolis, nowhere to be seen. Bullshit.

Where's the press? This is Science, goddamit!
Oh, wait, they're back on Lady Gaga. I don't get it. That's like the ugliest transvestite ever. Guy's not fooling anyone.

Pimp, Scholar, king. Albert Einstein wins science again.


VMan said...

If it's a future that includes Buck Rogers-era Erin Gray, then yes, it is good.

Anonymous said...

The honey badger don't give a %&$#. Neither does Einstein.

Anonymous said...

Paul check this... From H.T

TheLordThyGod said...

I agree, Einstein's probably rolling in his grave at a speed relative to the rotation of the Earth.

But I don't know why you feel the need to pick on Cthulhu...I mean Lady Gaga. Just because her face looks like a barnacle doesn't mean she lacks the basic human emotion she's learned to mimic. Besides, I'm sure she and her followers will be drinking their kool-aid any day now [fingers crossed].

eastriver said...

Don't know if you saw this today... Science Times