Sunday, September 11, 2016

full of chip...

We had one of those Lost In Translation moments last week.

      No, I'm not ignoring 9/11, btb. I still remember the day itself intimately, and spoke with some of the people I shared the day with, as well.

 Inappropriately Hot Foreign Wife has a greater command of English than I  do of her Brazilian Portuguese. Even so, we do sometimes have breaks in communication. About 80% of our arguments come from communication gaps, which often end in laughter, after the yelling stops, so it's a wash... but even so, every now and again, something happens that we'll remembera... nd this is the good stuff, the secret language that all couples speak- well, ours is sprinkled with inside jokes about our miscommunications.

      So, on Fridays, I like to go to a Portuguese butcher who's a damn artist. I'll go to a distant gun shop who occasionally offers discount bulk ammo, too, so more often than not, I'll go alone. So Inappropriately Hot Foreign Wife stayed home to repot plants and such, and I went out. On my way out the door, my wife says in her super thick accent "Hohnee, get us some chip when you go to da sto, OK? 

 Me: OK. No problem.

 So, I get a 10lb cow ass top (Cap Sirloin) to make Picanha, the fabled Brazilian BBQ meat, some chicken, Chorizo too, and on the way back, get some booze, veggies, salad, and yeah, chips.

 On returning home, I heft the bags on the counter: that's the rule:  If buy, she stocks.

Inappropriately Hot Foreign Wife: HOHNEE! Why chu buy chip? I told you buy chip?

 Me: Ahhhh... chips?

 Inappropriately Hot Foreign Wife:  Aff! Nao. I say you buy chip, you come home with chip? Hohnee, you chato. (Pain in the ass).  Chip. Chip! You know... animal white, baaaaaaaaaa. Chip. You buy chip when I want chip.

 Me: ... *facepalm*... (quietly).  You wanted lamb? Young SHEEP?

 Inappropriately Hot Foreign Wife: Jes! I tell you! Buy chip!


 Not to say I haven't murdered my wife's language. I was speaking with my sister-in-law a few years ago, and they were talking about remodeling their living room. OK, so 'Pintar' is paint, and 'pinto' is a dude's dick. So I asked my holy roller evangelical sister-in-law what color dick she prefers.
 Believe me, I'm not trying to make my wife look bad. I make myself look bad regularly. Generally I try to make the Mrs. look smarter than me, which she often is. But this was a good one.


Anonymous said...

that's funny

Anonymous said...

I was waiting to see if she wanted you to bring back a large, ocean-going vessel. You know, a "chip". The kind that sails on the ochin.
While in the Navy, I had shipmates who had Filipino wives. Such misunderstandings as yours were not uncommon, & equally humorous!
--Tennessee Budd

Anonymous said...

HOA allows chip?

East Of The Pecos said...

This is why I do not even try to speak Spanish, even though I live in a border town that is 85% Hispanic. The same sentence, depending upon inflection, can either mean my father is 47 years old, or, my potato has 47 assholes.
English is hard enough, thank you.