Saturday, January 24, 2015

in which I invite Southwest Airlines to dine upon a phallus

I really hate the American propensity for lawsuits. Most folks do, I'm sure, right up until they get their chance.

      There's a suit in the pipeline that I'm watching with interest. Here:

Man sues Southwest Air after carry-on bag falls on him

        Apparently a heavy, oversized bag that got shoehorned into an overhead bin fell out and bonked him in the head, causing a pretty severe neck injury.

 I flew Southwest just about 4 weeks ago, and it was a good reminder of why I'm more than willing to pay a little more to NOT fly Southwest. It's a flying leper colony staffed by unwashed, hung-over-smelling folks who look like they combed their hair with a firecracker.

 Seriously, Southwest can eat a dick, and so can the shitty people I had to fly with. I guess Southwest is the official airline of housing project residents.

      I usually don't carry a checked bag when I'm flying. I keep a full wardrobe of oily, shitty clothes aboard HAWSEPIPER's Afloat Global HQ/House of Style. I fly with my laptop bag and a small gym bag containing my ditty bag, a decent pair of loafers, and a change of clothes. That's it. Meanwhile, everyone around me was stuffing hockey bags and full-sized suitcases in the overhead bins. It was total bullshit, as, since it was the holidays, the flight was full, and Southwest does cattle call random-ass seating, and the stewardess, herself sporting dandruff, a touch of B.O., and wearing a stained, wrinkled outfit that she had obviously slept in, tried pretty hard to get me to check my bag. Rather than make a scene and get fingered by a TSA agent for a second time (I figure one rape-style handjob from a dude per flight is enough), I politely said no, the bag contained medication, and would fit under my seat just fine. But seriously, I guess since I was the only one not sporting prison tattoos on my face and neck, I was the one who was going to be asked to check a bag. 

      Well, at any rate, we left the gate only 25 minutes late to handle last-minute maintenance. I guess doing that shit ahead of time like the other airlines do must be too expensive. I got where I was going, eventually, and the car service my company uses sent me a driver who I know a little, and is real nice, so I didn't lose my shit or anything. If anything, it made me happy(ish) to arrive at the Q and settle into work.

         Still, I cringe whenever I have to fly Southwest. I can handle the sardine-like density, the miniature armrests, the stewardesses who need to go to rehab. It's the passengers that truly kill me. I'm becoming a snob. I swear on Sting's flying metal codpiece from 'Dune' that I'll do all in my power to not fly them again.


Jill said...

I get where you're coming from. I hate flying SW too. I can't think of a US airline that's really much different tho.
I have had to switch to ONLY a carry on bag now since I am limited to only 15 kg of weight on the chopper when I fly out to the ship. SO, I can't take ANY chances anymore with my luggage being lost, like it was all 3 previous times I flew overseas.
IF the airlines would not lose (or steal) your luggage when you fly, then I think people wouldn't be so dead set upon stuffing everything they possibly can into a carryon bag!
I will NEVER again put anything I need for my trip in checked baggage.
I remember when flying used to be fun. :-(

Paul, Dammit! said...

My wife and I have NEVER flown to Brazil and had our luggage make it there with us, or something not stolen from inside the bags as well. Doesn't matter the airline, the guys on the ground take what they want. Probably customs, in fact.

US Airways has tiny seats jammed too close together, but I've had good luck with them. Jetblue seems more comfortable, but I had a bad experience and their customer service skills are in the toilet. At least the folks working were clean.