head down

You might have noticed the paucity of posts in the past few months.

 My habit has always been that, when in doubt, I either step back and really assess a situation, or do the dead opposite and ignore it, put my head down, and bull through. Most of the time I seem to do OK there.

 Watching the news, feeling disconnected, under-represented and put-upon in general, I've noticed that none of the various crises or controversies affect me much. Price of meat goes through the roof? Shit, I like chicken, anyhow. Drought in California? What can I do. I've got other priorities to deal with. As my father used to say, the man who rows the boat doesn't have the time to rock it, and doesn't appreciate it when others do.

 I got my own problems to worry about.

 I recently met a new employee of my company's regional staff who has survived 4 (!) bouts with lymphoma. Dude's maxed out on radiation therapy, and has been on some form of maintenance chemo for just about forever. You'd never know it to talk to him- a happy, pleasant guy, and, when I did find that stuff out, he spoke about it matter of factly, with some distance, as though he's simply enjoying being there.

 I don't think that's fatalism. That, to me, is the triumph of the human spirit.


 I've never fought cancer. I've never lived with chronic disease. I've never been made directly aware that my days are dwindling. So why the fuck, in the name of the seven mad gods of the sea, do I feel disconnected, under-represented and put upon in general? Dunno. I do know, however, that I no longer care as much as I used to about these things. I'm putting my energy into other venues now- being a good father as much as I can from my boat, building a new life and home far from the place where I have blood ties (and where everyone talks wicked good and the sub shops are mostly pissa. Seriously, pizza and subs in Florida are wicked shitty).

 I'm not dropping out. I'm tuning out. Expect to continue to see snark, stories and the odd Brazilian boobie.