This is painful

 My employer has started throwing online training videos at us, in the same way spaghetti is thrown at a ceiling. 

 I get it, they get pressured to prove they're improving the retards by the people who hold the hoops that they have to jump through. 

     Of course we all know that if this bullshit was really important, they'd send a real live human to teach it, so... the effort taken is proportional to the effort given, if you understand me. 

     The exception being the annual sexual harassment training videos. 

    So, our industry has a BRUTAL problem with the few women out here getting harassed. No reason to sugarcoat it, it's a real thing, right up to rapes occuring.

    This year the training videos and quizzes and such is about 3x longer than last year's. And it's a shitshow. The sexual harassment part is fine, but they've expanded into microaggressions, marginalized peoples, biases, and a whole bunch of unrelated other issues that utterly detracts from the message of not being scumbags aboard. 

 Microagressions, forsooth.  One of my favorite suoervisors in my early days used to call me 'Dr. Asshole' for being overly educated, and once threatened to masturbate into the deck department's ears so 'You fuckers will hear me coming.'  Dude was beloved. 

 I really do think that the issue of sexual harassment aboard is an actual problem and widespread, based on the shitbags I have had to work with. And call me an asshole but it's easy to get members of certain minority groups fired for pulling this shit, we all have appropriately low expectations for them. But I've also seen a company absolutely marinate themselves in liability, by trying to avoid shitcanning a white guy who absolutely deserved to get his teeth kicked down his throat and thrown over the side.

 So, yeah, I get it, and no matter how retarded the training videos were, at least I didn't have to go through the indignity of an in-person class, as like 90% of things taught online, it has to be understood by the illiterate retards my company keeps hiring, so it's not as though you need to actually pay a lot of attention to get a perfect score... and as much as I dislike computer-based training, when you're doing mindless busywork, at least you don't have to go at the speed of the slowest learner as you would in an in-person class.

    Dr. Asshole, you see, reads enormously fast, which is why my monthly book budget is so high. Unfortunately the training videos force you to work slower and not work at your own pace, which makes me want to hang myself, and REALLY makes it challenging to try to stay positive. They really don't make it easy. It wouldn't matter if I was learning how to judge a blowjob contest, I absolutely can not stand having to wait and listen to narration of someone speaking slower than my rate of comprehension. 'S part of why I can't listen to podcasts. Having to listen to some gink take 45 seconds to explain something that should take 10 is just pure punishment.