Radio etiquette

 I believe it is very important to conduct oneself properly when using the VHF radio in NY harbor. Proper protocol, channel selection for the task, and radio discipline are vital practices. Minimal communication, sparing use of words, keep that channel clear in case someone needs to use it more than you do. That's the spirit of  properVHF radio use. 

    But then summer comes and I'm yelling at some guy on the radio "Hey, sh*thead! We're trying to work here on this channel, you f*cking shoemaker! Shut the f*ck up and stick your boyfriend's d*ck back in your mouth!" 

 I'm not a fan of pleasureboaters. Truly.   Like the fuedal era Japanese, disturbing my wa is deserving of death, or at the very least being held down and given a papercut. Vertically, the entire length of the 'taint.  Grab a piece of copy paper, hold his feet at 10 and 2, and swipe that sheet like a credit card.

Bad enough they're running around like children, and cut across our bows, utterly ignorant of how close they come to Meeting Jesus when they do so, scaring our tugboaters half to death. Some of them get VHF radios, and they got to talk about every single thought that enters their scrambled brains. 

"Hey, did you watch that  (soy-based TV drama) last night?" 

 "No, was it good?"

(Proceeds to spend 30 minutes describing a 21 minute tv show's plot). 

   Then there's some sailboater doing half a knot backwards in the current, screaming "I'm a sailboater! I've got right of way!"   Rule 9, you wind-assisted asshole. No you don't, and even if you did, congratulations on dying for your beliefs. If only you could do so silently. 

Do you know that good mariners  don't even use the VHF radio for personal messages if we're within sight of each other?   a Tugboat Hello will work just fine instead. 

 If you're not familiar, a Tugboat Hello is giving someone the finger with both hands. 

      I like winter, when it's quiet on the radio. 

 "Hey, you there?"

"Yeah."

"Good. Stay there."