We has found the A-hole, and it is me.

 I woke up grumpy this morning here on the afloat HQ. 

 I slept a grand total of 45 minutes last night. We're now in day 2  of the first winter nor'easter here in New York harbor.  Last night was grand. Now, yesterday was a bit longer than planned, as we had problems getting tied up to a bulk carrier that had anchored in the harbor. 

It was blowing about 35, not awesome, but not a nightmare, just shitty, and the pelting rain coming sideways wasn't joyous either. Wind and tide were having a beef, though, and the vagaries of how I had to load a small parcel of oil for the ship meant that all the oil was in the stern, and so we were ass-end squatted down in the water, which meant that the stern was acting like a big sail underwater in the current, and the bow was acting like a sail in the high wind... and wind and tide were not at all coming from the same direction, so our natural inclination was to go about 60 degrees to the wind, and wallow there. Now, we're in protected waters, so it's not like there's a big swell- there was maybe a 4-foot chop, but steep and rapid, so when we were next to the ship tied off to them, we made THEM sit funny in the wind and tide, and we ended up just doing a sideways heave of about 4 feet back and forth regularly, like watching an accordion going in and out...  which was hard on our fendering, which, sadly, on that side of the HQ, are just tires stolen from a 747 jet. 

  So I only got to bed about 10pm, after we were all fast, and by 11pm we were bouncing off the side of the ship pretty well- oh, the tires did their job, but while the tires absorb shock, they do not mitigate momentum, and so every 6-8 seconds we'd bump, and every piece of metal, crockery, door, cabinet, and unsecure item would rattle and maybe go for a quick jaunt somewhere. This included me, in my rack. 

 So, no sleep for me. Listen to me bitching. I wasn't even working in all the shit weather, and the ship's engineering crew was particularly disagreeable, doing the usual complaining and lying ("Zir, ve are missink so much oil, yis yis.") I only spent a sleepless night and got rattled around like the last coffee bean in the can. My partner B got rained on, shit on and his patience tested. He's the one deserves the pity, really. 

  Even so, about 30 minutes before I was about to take over the watch, I came into the galley, opened a can of breakfast (A Monster energy drink), and stepped into the head to throw some laundry in the washer. On getting out of the head, not 60 seconds later, a tugboat deckhand had wandered into our galley, foul weather gear streaming from the rain, sat down in my chair at the table, soaking it, and moved my can of breakfast out of the way.  

 Now, it was raining, he was early coming up aboard to help get ready to sail, and basically did everything right, except I suppose some shitty part of me was looking to brighten up my day by darkening someone else's. I mean, I was really looking forward to having my caffeine and having a quiet sit-down for 20 minutes before starting my day.  B and I, after so many years together, both enjoy quiet when we are not ready for watch yet. Ideally, we just say Good morning, and that's it, until we're fully in the headspace for work or conversation. Then we can chat all day, and do, sometimes, or not. 

 At any rate, this guy's doing the right thing but he's messed up my very comforting routine on a dirty night... dirty morning, by this time. It's like 0500. 

 Now, all I said was "Bro, you wanna get the fuck out of my chair so I can get ready for my day?"  I mean, as far as rebuking someone goes, pretty mild. To his credit, the guy said nothing, just gave me a look and got up, obviously a bit insulted, but whatever. He didn't desserve to be cussed at obviously, and here on the far side of 16-oz of carbonated Attitude Adjustment I'm regretful of my word choice. Well, regretful is a strong word. I wish I had said something less cunty, though. But, to be honest, after ostentatiously getting a towel, wiping down my chair, then planting my ass down, and making eye contact with the guy while I dragged my can of breakfast across the table with a satisfying rasp and taking a big slug out of it, I settled down into a brown study (my father's term for a shitty mood) and quietly caffeinated, but by watch change I was not hard charging at my normal pace, but I no longer wanted to Kill All The Things. 

   Well, B and I had a laugh after.  We all have those moments. This was mine. 

 This is where I was saying I am the asshole of the day. I normally make a point not to be needlessly rude. I'm very specifically rude by choice, when I indulge.