I am old and also an idiot

 

Well, today is going like a fart in a car. 

    I'm about an hour north of NY city in a taxi, which I have had to have turned around to bring us back to NY, because amidst the 3 caches of my stuff scattered around the office  that needed to go with me, I forgot about one of them... the one containing my laptop bag and medication, which, sadly I need to stay among the vertical people. 

 So now my 2 1/2 hr drive is going to about double. 

     Fuck. I am slightly more absent-minded than average, I admit, but this is a recent high. 

 Also I'm 51 today. How the hell did I get old? 

   Today started off with promise. I slept like crap, but today's the day I go to the shipyard to rejoin the HQ, which I've been looking forward to. I ruck-humped a bunch of stuff over to the office last night (cache 2) and stowed it in a discreet spot. I already had some supplies and seasonal clothes there (cache 1). This morning I brought the rest of it (cache 3) and plans changed a bit, so I sat around, talked to a few people, unfucked my plans and got in the taxi when he showed up, after packing cache 1 and 2. 

 Headed back to the city now. I'm a bit ashamed of myself but at least I'm not causing cascade effects and fucking things up more. 

Economics is a cruel bitch

 Is 'Ironic Disappointment' a thing?  If it wasn't, it is now. 

       So I have finished my latest side quest, (contract job) which was a short and interesting shallow dive into a form of chaos math that was both cool in that the figgarin' part could be done with a couple of keystrokes, while the part that required me was using the results to apply to a biological question.  

    You know the classic drawing of an atom? 

The orbital paths around the nucleus can be called Probability Fields, because superficially,  we have no idea where the protons and electrons are, precisely, at a given instant relative to each other... we just know where they're more likely to be and less likely to be.

 I know, I know, it's possible to know the subatomic particles' exact positioning, now. It wasn't always thus, and it still isn't unless you got the good gear. So bear with me, I'm being colloquial. 

  So you can use math to find probability fields, when you can't find something or don't know it, but can find out where it's more or less likely to be, which is useful information. 

       So, I got paid to take this math, and build  probability fields of the pathways a neural signal might take to go from A to B in a brain across a series of tracts, pathways and individual neurons.  I did this using a simple computer model made by a collegue, of a clump of nerve cells, as my testing arena.  

   Think of this: an individual neuron dies or one of the connections between it and neighboring neurons is damaged. How does the signal reroute?  What if one good path has been working hard and some neurons are starting to flag, metabolically, attenuating the signal? (This would change it).  Why is the path taken used vs another? 

        My little brainstorming session was one of a dozen or so being contributed... all using tgeir own models, for which I was paid the princely sum of $21/hr, pre-tax, which will translate realistically to about $10/hr.  The primary investigator, a non-tenured part time lecturer in physiology, makes about 50k/ year, working full time. 

   Fuck. Good thing I work on boats.

  Anyhow, I'm back to having one job again. 

    

Happy Mother's Day!

 Well, I can't be there, but my kid took Inappropriately Hot Foreign Wife to lunch for Mother's Day, to a nice waterfront cafe that we like. 

     This makes me doubly happy in that this is the first year my wife's dealt with the loss of her own mom on this day and my kid's keeping her occupied.  

I took this pic in Brazil a few months before my MIL passed away.  She was already ill but fighting hard, but on the day I took this pic we hosted over 300 cousins, aunts and uncles for a 3 day party and it was a perfect success of a long weekend. 

   

I'm old (part LV of III)

 Yesterday turned into a bit of a shit show. It was the watch that never ended. 

 So I'm not 100% familiar with this week's barge but I know it a bit now, having been here a week.  My 2nd man left yesterday, and a new one was en route.  I got up at 0430, started my watch at 0530. 

      Got off watch at midnight. Long damn day.  The Shell terminal we were at is in violation of US law, and requires American shipowners to pay a bribe in order for crew to pass through the terminal.

    They disguise it by saying it's a hiring fee for a security contractor to escort crew through the terminal... but there is a specific law that forbids this. 

 My company, rightly, will not pay a bribe, as doing so is, after all, also illegal. 

 And thst's how I had an 18 hour watch. And so, a few hours later, here I am. 

   This is why I carry a case of white Monster energy drinks in my grub bags. 

 Today I'm motivated AF to stsrt the day, as the weather will deteriorate this afternoon. Soonest started, soonest done. 

The week that was

 It's been mellow here.   

    Seriously, the weekend was quiet here aboard my temporarily-assigned berth. They don't work near as much as we do in the bunker fleet. It's been good for my mind and soul. 

 I was almost bored for a time, yesterday. It's been rainy for a few days, so not being able to go outside is a bit tough. I'm trying to start to lift weights regularly in a routine, and, well, yesterday was a rest day I guess, as I didn't want it enough to have a wet ass and the bench and weights are outside.

          Sadly I got word that the skin cancer fairy has visited again and I have to go have a funny spot on the back of my hand blowtorched when I go home in a month. Caught it early, at least, don't even need to be cut on. And that's ok. The biopsy they did last week makes it look like I got an asshole on my hand anyhow. Maybe it will heal less anus-y if she goes to town with a cautery instead of a razor next time. 

    I have another week to go here, for which I am grateful. As of right now, it looks as though I will be on a tugboat next week, as there's no demand for a cranky middle-aged tankerman in NY and the HQ is still in the shipyard for at least the next 3 weeks. 

       So... the house in Brazil is coming along. Construction on the main house is starting to ramp down. Windows and doors are in, tiling, even some paint... done right this time. This week the facade on the front of the property is getting tackled, as it looks straight out of downtown Gaza, present day.

     It's an urban house- that is, it's a walled mini- compound in the business district in the 'old city,' the original part of the city built after the conquistadores rolled in, subdued the indios (my wife's ancestors), introduced Christianity and set up a market at a trade roads crossroad.

 The house is about a 10-12 minute walk from the market, which still stands today, on a residential side street, and most importantly of all, also a 12-minute walk (I checked) from the only pub in Brazil where the owners know me by name. 

       The budget, well, it's out the window courtesy of the trashbag original builder, who, I'm told, will be under indictment later this month. The new construction manager has been proving to be a real gem. She's tight-fisted, has enormous attention to detail, and has been up every vendor and tradesman's ass, sideways, daily. 

     After this latest phase is done, in about 2 weeks, we're between projects, and can take a minute to rebuild the Brazil kitty, which is doing better than expected but which will still be nearly empty next month w/the bodies we've got on retainer. Construction won't restart until June/July I hope, which will be focused on finishing the interior- furnishings, cabinetry, fixtures, appliances, etc. Basically things I don't give a shit about... I want to get moving on the pool, outbuildings and landscaping.  I also want the money to do all that; but if wishes were fishes, etc etc.. Gonna be a bit, lol. 

 Every year I seem to say 'next year I'll slow down.' 

 Maybe next year I'll slow down.  Probably not. 

 

   

 

 

 

Did anything happen while I was away?

 When I am not at work, I don't read the news or engage in shitposting and doomscrolling online. And so only big things make it through my filter of  utter indifference to all things not related to friends and family. It's datin' time with Inappropriately Hot Foreign Wife, time with our kid, B family members, my friends, and to do chores and relax too. 

 I guess the pope died. Best not to speak ill of the dead. 

  it's been an amazing 2 weeks. We flew to Boston, I got to see one of my neices get hitched, saw family, reconnected, and then mostly tuned the world out and spent 90%+ of my time with my wife. She's not working right now- after almost a year of 80-90 hour weeks, she finally can rest and so we've been welded at the hip since I got off work. 

 Sadly, I returned to work this morning. On the upside I am again not bunkering for the next 2 weeks. I'm on a straight diesel run and in fact ai am at anchor right now, spending the night hopefully quiet tonight. 

 Monday I was hard at it all day- chores and preps, packing my bag, etc. We finally got freed up about 4pm, and spent 3 hours drinking caiperinhas and swimming in the pool. I got just the rught amount of sun exposure to not be dead-body white anymore...but also didn't burn. 

    Yesterday was travel day. It was unexceptional.  

 This morning was the single longest and most arduous bad drag I've ever done, carrying all my clothes, bedding, food, water and soda about 1/4 mile- 5 trips back and forth, between shore and the dock. Got it done, though. Mighta burnt off my blood pressure meds, lol, but it got done. 

     Anyhow, back at it. 

     

Reports from home

 Goddamn, I've lived. 

       I'm at home, doing home things. I attended mh neice's wedding in New Hampshire; it was beautiful and perfect and emotional. How many times can a guy who is NOT comfortable with crying stave off a whole-ass jag? 

 At least 7-8. I absolutely overflowed during the ceremony. But fuck, so did the groom, a 6'6" gorilla of a guy who got outmatched by his wife, who just sandbagged him every time. It was wonderful to see 2 kids deeply in love get hitched. 

 My neice introduced her bf to me before... it was nice to NOT see him at a funeral for once. 

   The wedding was well done. My oldest brother, the family's rock, was absolutely overwhelmed giving away his little girl; but he did so with grace. 

    We flew home a few days ago. Today was my kid's bday. We had a nice day but my sister and nephew, who live 10 mins away, didnt show up. Bit of a fuck you but so be it. I'm glad I flew 1500 miles to be there for my neice and my brother, who both noticed.  

 It's been an emotional time. But a good time.